Kenya uses circumcision to fight AIDS

Following the results of a recent study, a new program is offering free circumcisions to help men in Kenya avoid AIDS infection.

A competing program is offering plane tickets.

“The only way to avoid getting AIDS over there is to skip town,” the program director said. “It’s just a matter of booking flights early, so you don’t end up in disease-class. It’s not my first choice, but they really take care of the passengers in disease seating. Their saying is ‘Disease-class costs a little more, but you’ll thank us later — maybe.’

“Passengers in disease-class get a special SkyMall catalog that always provides rush shipping; it makes up for that strict return policy. But the real benefit is how flight attendants cater to disease-class passengers’ special needs. They season disease-class meals with inhibitors, and they serve AZT pops for kids.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24740291

Lab tech allegedly tried selling stolen sperm

A laboratory technician faces up to seven years in prison for allegedly trying to sell sperm samples he stole from the sperm bank where he worked.

He has been ordered to replace the stolen samples by cleaning the sperm bank’s magazines.

“If he cleans enough magazines, he’ll run across plenty of sperm samples,” a sperm-bank representative said. “It’s just a matter of doing it before the pages stick together. Once sperm gets attached to a magazine page, it's ruined. No woman wants her baby to be half magazine ink.

“The kid would grow up traumatized. He’d be self-conscious about being the only kid with a backward ‘E’ on his nose. He’d be blacklisted from spelling bees. He would be scarred if the school cafeteria served alphabet soup. It would feel like cannibalism.

“It’s just as bad for an ink kid’s parents. They have to go into stores and ask whether children’s sheets and clothes contain Silly Putty.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24260478

Major diabetes study cut off after deaths

The National Institutes of Health abruptly ended a diabetes study after 257 patients died after intense therapy to reduce their blood sugar.

Researchers said those patients’ therapy technically was a total success.

"Some patients died, but their blood sugar wasn’t just reduced; it was eliminated," a researcher said. “That really brought down the blood-sugar average.

“To make it up to their families, we’ll pay for the funeral catering, but none of that low-fat and sugar-free stuff. It’s awful. That’s the last thing a grieving family needs, even if they’re diabetic, too. Live a little.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23029191