Alleged subway groper faces life in prison

A New York man charged with illegally rubbing against a woman on a subway train may be sentenced to life in prison, having been arrested 53 times, mostly for groping.

For his comfort in prison, inmates planning to rape him would be limited to third base.

“He said he’s OK with being groped if it stops there, so we would keep him away from the inmates’ games of ‘Spin the Bottle,’” a prison official said. “They usually get out of control. I think the problem is the game play itself. They grab one of the smaller guys, place him in the middle of the circle and spin him. As it turns out, it doesn’t matter where he stops spinning. The bottle loses, especially when it’s spun face-down. It works out just like the prison version of Connect Four.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24112173

N.J. law bans sex offenders from the Internet

Under a law enacted Thursday in New Jersey, convicted sex offenders who used the Internet to help them commit their crimes will be banned from using the Internet.

Sex offenders have called the new law a blessing in disguise.

"This isn't all bad," said a convicted child molester from Newark. "So I can't go online to meet hot kids anymore. This gives me a reason to finally check out some of the playgrounds and parks I've been hearing so much about. They're near my house, so I can walk and get some exercise. That's great, since I pick up kids better when I'm confident about my body. And not having Internet access at home means one less bill for me to pay, so I can spend that money on better candy and toys, or 'bait,' as my parole officer calls it.

"Even better, this gives me a chance to do some old-school, grassroots sex offending, the way my sex-offender forefathers did it. Roughing it builds character. I guess what they say is true: When God closes a door, he opens a window. I get it now."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22411667