Video game made for play at urinals

Two Belgian beer fans have launched “Place to Pee,” a video game played at urinals by two men who ski down slopes or kill aliens by aiming at sensors in the urinal.

The loser replaces the winner’s shoes.

“The game pretty much ends when one guy soaks the other guy’s shoes, so we don’t recommend sandals," one of the game's creators said. "You can’t tip a bathroom attendant enough to wash urine off your toes. They might give you some cologne to spray on your feet, but that only masks the problem. I guess that depends on what evaporates first.

“Also, it can be tricky to find a second player. If you’re trying to get a pickup game going, I’d avoid anything like ‘Wanna play?’ It’s already creepy to skulk around in a public bathroom, but it’s even worse if you’re approaching guys, asking if they want to play, then whipping out money.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24714894

Sperm donors receive tickets to music festivals

Under the Sperm For Tickets initiative, men who make sperm donations in Europe will receive free tickets to any European music festival.

Men who produce sperm donations while in the ticket line will receive their tickets after they post bail.

“The police have a pretty nice setup prepared for these guys,” a Sperm For Tickets representative said. “They’ll get premium listing on the sex-offender registry, so they can notify their neighbors with a YouTube video instead of going door to door. A really good sex-offender announcement can open a lot of doors if the right people see it. It’s just a matter of holding a screening at a theater that’s within two miles and doesn’t have any children around.

“Aside from the legal issues, there’s a bigger problem with a bunch of guys whipping it out and making sperm donations in the ticket line: What would they put their sperm in? We couldn’t take sperm donations in soda cans they found outside. You can’t really pour sperm out of a soda can. Then we’d end up with enemies at the recycling center.”

http://www.nme.com/news/festival/35078

Amy Winehouse to launch clothing line

Amy Winehouse is planning to produce a line of makeup and clothing, having become known for her style in addition to her music and alleged drug abuse.

To experience Winehouse’s lifestyle, customers will be able to make purchases using stereos.

“This line will give a glimpse of the crack-addict experience, but it will not be designed or made by addicts,” the lead designer said. “That would be a disaster. Crack addicts are known for poor sewing, probably because of the twitching. And they’re always kind of distracted.

“The big problem is that crack addicts make unmarketable clothes because they hold people to unrealistic body standards. We always have to tell them, ‘Not everyone can be a hollowed-out husk of a human.’”

The line’s first fashion accessory will be a press-on coke nail for people who don’t trust strangers’ tables.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23374916

Oprah Store opens in Chicago

The Oprah Store has opened in Chicago, selling items featuring Oprah’s sayings, passions and favorite gurus, as well as Oprah-branded clothes, accessories and household products.

The items can be customized to fit any empty life.

“For example, our tailor can tighten an Oprah T-shirt to help a customer minimize her soul’s screams,” the manager explained. “The Oprah sunglasses can be given an extra-dark tint that blocks introspection. But if some self-evaluation leaks in, the Oprah belts can be given extra loops for a better fit during hanging or heroin use. For convenience, our cafe serves Oprah-brand heroin, which is fat-free.

"But the Oprah Store is about more than just shopping. To promote fitness, we have an interactive exhibit where customers can jog or power-walk to follow an Oprah effigy into a fire. It's for total weight loss."

http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/783714,CST-NWS-oprah08.article