A laboratory technician faces up to seven years in prison for allegedly trying to sell sperm samples he stole from the sperm bank where he worked.
He has been ordered to replace the stolen samples by cleaning the sperm bank’s magazines.
“If he cleans enough magazines, he’ll run across plenty of sperm samples,” a sperm-bank representative said. “It’s just a matter of doing it before the pages stick together. Once sperm gets attached to a magazine page, it's ruined. No woman wants her baby to be half magazine ink.
“The kid would grow up traumatized. He’d be self-conscious about being the only kid with a backward ‘E’ on his nose. He’d be blacklisted from spelling bees. He would be scarred if the school cafeteria served alphabet soup. It would feel like cannibalism.
“It’s just as bad for an ink kid’s parents. They have to go into stores and ask whether children’s sheets and clothes contain Silly Putty.”
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